Friends
Recently I had a conversation with a friend, concerning the ease in which others meet people and make friends. For arguments sake, we're assuming that these friends you make are not robots, clones, or other artificial constructs. :P
I know a few people who are highly gregarious; making friends and meeting new people comes to them as naturally as breathing. Some of this may stem from the line of work such an individual is in (some vocations involve much more human contact than others), but that does not account for it alone. I question whether this ability is a result of their upbringing, an inborn characteristic, or conscious choice?
I know more people who have difficulty making friends and meeting new people, as well as many others who fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. Personally, I sometimes have difficulty meeting new people, particularly in a setting where I don't know anyone else, and there's no obvious common ground between you. If I'm out shopping for books (which I do with some regularlity), I'm unlikely to start up a conversation with the other customers; it is even more unlikely that any such conversation will lead to continuing contact and friendship.
In particular, since I've moved to Saskatoon, and away from the group of friends I had back home, I've found it difficult to meet new people. Certainly, I've met quite a few people through the church here, but only a very small number of them would I consider to be friends. Outside of this, I have few avenues to meet new people. My work has few employees, so the opportunity to meet new people there is limited. The frequent absences required by my work also limit the extracurricular activities I can get involved in, as many require more of a commitment than I can make. Where does one go to meet people (not speaking in a dating sense here, although that certainly can stem from friendships)?
Last year, I joined the Brainsport running club. I was tired of running on my own, and it did not require any great commitment. They meet every Wednesday night at 6:00, go for a run, and go to supper afterwards. On the surface this sounds ideal. However, it's more complicated than that. The club is divided up into groups, based upon the sort of pace you expect to run. I, naturally, ran with the advanced group, which has at best half a dozen regular members, all of which are male and for the most part considerably older than me. Also, I have yet to be able to attend one of the suppers, as I attend prayer meeting at the church, which begins at 8:00. I have come away from the experience with a friend and training partner, but this friend is older and has a family, so our time together typically is limited to one or more runs together each week. Now, if I really wanted to meet more people there, I could run with one of the slower groups, or skip prayer meeting. However, this would compromise my own running, and prevent me from participating in a part of my walk with God.
It is (relatively) easy to make friends in school, at a technical institute, community college or university; in those places, there is a large group of people who have come together for a common purpose. However, once you leave these institutions, the opportunity for new friendships seems to dwindle. Am I alone in feeling this way? I don't know.
My apologies for a somewhat rambling post. To this issue I bring no answers, only questions. To my small readership, I ask you to comment and share your own thoughts on this.
I know a few people who are highly gregarious; making friends and meeting new people comes to them as naturally as breathing. Some of this may stem from the line of work such an individual is in (some vocations involve much more human contact than others), but that does not account for it alone. I question whether this ability is a result of their upbringing, an inborn characteristic, or conscious choice?
I know more people who have difficulty making friends and meeting new people, as well as many others who fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. Personally, I sometimes have difficulty meeting new people, particularly in a setting where I don't know anyone else, and there's no obvious common ground between you. If I'm out shopping for books (which I do with some regularlity), I'm unlikely to start up a conversation with the other customers; it is even more unlikely that any such conversation will lead to continuing contact and friendship.
In particular, since I've moved to Saskatoon, and away from the group of friends I had back home, I've found it difficult to meet new people. Certainly, I've met quite a few people through the church here, but only a very small number of them would I consider to be friends. Outside of this, I have few avenues to meet new people. My work has few employees, so the opportunity to meet new people there is limited. The frequent absences required by my work also limit the extracurricular activities I can get involved in, as many require more of a commitment than I can make. Where does one go to meet people (not speaking in a dating sense here, although that certainly can stem from friendships)?
Last year, I joined the Brainsport running club. I was tired of running on my own, and it did not require any great commitment. They meet every Wednesday night at 6:00, go for a run, and go to supper afterwards. On the surface this sounds ideal. However, it's more complicated than that. The club is divided up into groups, based upon the sort of pace you expect to run. I, naturally, ran with the advanced group, which has at best half a dozen regular members, all of which are male and for the most part considerably older than me. Also, I have yet to be able to attend one of the suppers, as I attend prayer meeting at the church, which begins at 8:00. I have come away from the experience with a friend and training partner, but this friend is older and has a family, so our time together typically is limited to one or more runs together each week. Now, if I really wanted to meet more people there, I could run with one of the slower groups, or skip prayer meeting. However, this would compromise my own running, and prevent me from participating in a part of my walk with God.
It is (relatively) easy to make friends in school, at a technical institute, community college or university; in those places, there is a large group of people who have come together for a common purpose. However, once you leave these institutions, the opportunity for new friendships seems to dwindle. Am I alone in feeling this way? I don't know.
My apologies for a somewhat rambling post. To this issue I bring no answers, only questions. To my small readership, I ask you to comment and share your own thoughts on this.
posted by Matt at 10:02 a.m.
9 Comments:
I like you a lot, and find you to be very pleasant. (And I'm sorry we haven't called back yet. Are you around tonight?)
I don't know what to say about meeting more friends. I don't think it would necessarily hurt to attend one of the suppers, and miss a prayer meeting, if that would mean meeting more people. Other than that, I'm not sure. It might be frustrating running in the slower group.
I totally get where you are coming from. It seems daunting to try and find friends now - especially if work or church is limited. The running group sounds like it would have been a really good idea. I agree with Queen that once a month (or so)it might not hurt to go to the supper so you can meet some of the slower people. Who knows? You may be able to encourage someone else to run faster!
Hey Matt. I totally understand the plight, too. I've been in Saskatoon for two years, and haven't any friends (as in the hang out sort) outside of the ones I already had before I moved here! But I think what Bron and Maryanne are saying is right: it's ok to miss a prayer meeting or two, to connect with these people. Not to say that prayer meeting isn't important, because it is, and I know we're all always encouraged by your presence there. But if you feel you would like to miss one or two, it's ok.
Well I thank you all for the votes of confidence, I'm not all that sure missing prayer meeting to attend one of these suppers is the solution, either. I did make it out to an event (volunteering to do clean-up along the river last year), which ended with a gathering for a drink, but I didn't find I really fit in there, either. Even though we all run, there are few there who approach it in the same way I do. I don't know. Will comment more later.
I was thinking, so far I've neglected the original purpose of this blog, because I haven't really traveled anywhere. Pretty soon I'll be able to put up stuff about England and Ireland. I look forward to that.
To add to the previous one: This post specifically was not a plea to solve a lack of friends on my part. Although I would certainly like to make more friends, it was more designed to be a general discussion of the topic. My friend, Tennille, seemed to find it hard to understand how you can manage not to meet people, and I saw this in action yesterday. Some people just seem to inspire openness and a willingness to converse in others. Other people (like myself) seem to inspire the opposite reaction. I don't know whether this is due to appearance, a certain natural charisma, or something else. I just know some people seem to have this gift, and others do not. Certainly, self-confidence plays into this, but I don't think it would be the sole contributing factor.
I have been in Saskatoon for 2 and a half years and I have also not made a single new friend besides the ones I had when I moved here. My job is a lot more flexible than yours in allowing me to to join up in some groups but I have not made any friends through those activities even when I did join. Your question is a good one - I've often thought about it as well. What could I do to make more friends? If you find any good ideas, let me know.
Hey Matt. I don't think we were trying to "solve" your problem. I think we were more just trying to encourage you to do what you had to do. I mean, for serious, you could hardly really take any real advice from Bron and I about making friends....
p.s. The ellipses' use is justified here, as well as the number--three indicates missing imaginary words, one indicates a final period.
Well, I don't know how one would go about doing this. Accosting random strangers on the street doesn't seem like the solution...although it could be amusing.
Sit around in coffee shops, hoping to run into someone? (shrug)
Shannon, that surprises me that you've not met anyone new in Saskatoon. At the very least I thought you'd made some friends at your work.
Ky, I've learned (or been reminded of) something new about ellipses. It's good to keep on learning.
I know you weren't really trying to 'solve' the problem, but it kind of sounded that way. I found it rather amusing, because guys are often accused of trying to solve women's problems when really, all that the women want is someone to listen to them. Here, we have a male airing a problem, and three women stepping up to fix the situation. Perhaps that's just my sense of humour.
Although you're obviously not sure how to find a bridge across this troubled river...I praise you for having thought about it. Talking to people is easy, finding people you'd want to be friends with, a whole other ball game. If I was better acquainted with you I could help you find a more suitable way to converse with new strangers that is suited to your personality. Then you could turn these "strangers" into friends if you so decided to. If that makes any sense at all.
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